03 September 2014

The Sex Geckos

As inspired by this news story.

19 August 2013

Sexy Pony

30 October 2012

Reflective Ponies

Inspired by this Tumblr post.

07 October 2012

Electric Corset

Waltz Riot

Mentioned in this blog post about Strictly Come Dancing.

21 October 2011

Duck Breast Bastard

Suggested by Jenn.

07 October 2011

Zombie Winehouse

06 September 2011

Meat PiƱata

24 August 2011

Bad Bad Haircut


13 July 2011

Whiskey Midget

25 May 2011

22 May 2011


Asian Lunch Mothers

Suggested by Susan

Earplug Superstore

Suggested by Susan: "A real thing, would just make a good band name I think."

11 Metres of Fun

Sweet Fortress

10 March 2011

John Merrick Pancake

Suggested in this video.


Suggested by Sarah.

Baby Zealot Beard

Suggested inadvertently by Laura.

21 February 2011


Suggested by Heather, who found it via this site.

16 February 2011

God Hates Frank

05 October 2010

Geniuses of Home Spannering

Suggested by Chris Phin

01 September 2010

11 August 2010

09 August 2010

25 July 2010

An Indifferent Bigness

Inspired by this photo

27 May 2010

The Fail Biscuits

Seagull Assassin

14 May 2010

Girlfriend Control

Inspired by the pride of Hirwaun.

09 May 2010

Miss Wisconsin Was Right

Beef Cups

Suggested by Heather.

The Lovely Broken

29 April 2010

24 March 2010

Escape Plan Julia

Inspired by this picture aboard the Julia, the ferry ship that runs between Swansea, Wales, and Cork, Ireland.

23 February 2010

Norwegian Curling Pants

Inspired by the choice of trousers worn by the Norwegian curling team and suggested by fuggirls.

21 February 2010

The Naked Hobos

Inspired by Craig Ferguson.

31 January 2010

Angry And Bathing

09 January 2010

Kneel To The Prettiest

As inspired by the title of this book.

02 November 2009

30 October 2009

Kids With Knives

30 September 2009

18 August 2009

Russian Leg Sweep

31 July 2009

Soul Mate Porn

13 May 2009

Champagne Enema

Suggested by Sarah

25 April 2009

Moo-Moo Star

Inspired by my friend's daughter's suggestion as to what the moon's name should be.

19 April 2009

The Bestest Thing

Suggested by Rachel

Lego Monkey

30 March 2009

Bad Gateway

Inspired by an error message I was getting from TwitPic

11 March 2009

The Belfast Whores

Inspired by Sky News' idiot news story in which they asked a load of Belfast fashion students about renewed tension in Northern Ireland.

02 March 2009

26 February 2009

Applesauce On A Keyboard

Suggested by Sarah

16 February 2009

Fighting Creeping Melancholy

Inadvertantly suggested by aquafortis on her Twitter.

05 February 2009

Heretic Maze

Suggested by George Williams.

Porn Stars With Wedding Rings

I always find that slightly off-putting.

08 January 2009

15 December 2008

Street Dogs of Kathmandu

Twittered by Afe.

13 October 2008

The Sex Nadirs

Suggested by Heather, who saw it on a knitting website: "The thing in your relationship that concerns me is the lack of sex. Obviously, things wane. That initial burst of 5 times a day eventually wears off and all relationships do have their sex nadirs (The Sex Nadirs would be a terrible name for a band), but these things are cyclical and temporary."

17 September 2008

15 September 2008

Pig Lipstick

10 September 2008

God Particle

Inspired by the LHC.

02 July 2008

Chocolate Make-Up

Inspired by this child.

26 June 2008

Mexico Club Stampede

Inspired by this headline.

19 June 2008

29 May 2008

Strong Earthquake

Just for the sake of being able to go with this headline

27 May 2008

Fit of Whimsy

CCTV Boogaloo

15 May 2008

Hatless Welsh Whores

Inspired by friend Fflur's self-description.

09 May 2008

Y Rheng Byddwn

Welsh for "The Row of I Would," inspired by a line of girls I saw the other day, all in their summery low-cut top glory.

06 May 2008

Dirty English Whores

Inspired by my friend's flatmate, whom I am convinced is the one who gave her ring worm (never mind that my friend works with children).

24 April 2008

16 April 2008

Bad Luck Steve

Inspired by the strange tone of disdain used by Dermot Murnaghan on "Eggheads" when he was consoling a contestant.

Bomb Pops to the Malevolent

Inspired by phrase I used in a recent column.

27 March 2008

The Joyful Deaths of Several Young Children

Taken from the utterly-strange-but-true title of a 17th century children's book: "A Token for Children: Being an Exact Account of the Conversion, Holy and Exemplary Lives, and Joyful Deaths, of Several Young Children" by James Janeway (1671)

30 January 2008

Candy Fist

Inspired by my desire to put my hand in a candy floss machine.

Isolating Cock

Written on Arriva Trains carriages. One assumes it is some sort of mechanical thing.

Isolating Cock

Written on Arriva Trains carriages. One assumes it is some sort of mechanical thing.

28 January 2008

The Poo Kettlers

Thought up by Michelle, who misinterpreted a student survey.

19 December 2007

Skin Ship Lollipop

Encrypted Boobs

Suggested by Heather

09 December 2007

Transdimensional Porch Swing

Inspired by a dream Heather had about me in which she was travelling through time on a porch swing and my father was Hulk Hogan.

20 November 2007

Shrinky Dinks Assault

Rubik's Cube Fluffer

Provided by Heather, who found it on Overheard in New York.

03 August 2007

Bladder Tap

Suggested by Eric, who said the name came to him as he was driving his dog home from the vet.

28 July 2007

Fastest Loser

Inspired by watching track and field events.

13 July 2007

Aural Small Print

Suggested by Mr. Phin

Absent American

Inspired by the fact that I will miss out on yet another London Blogger meet-up.

08 July 2007

Heroic Doses

Suggested by Eric

29 June 2007

Prom For Sharks

Dirty Waves

Inspired by a story of Sara Huws' former roomate who, amid coming off some kind of a drug high, became convinced that his brain was being infected by "dirty waves" caused by another roomate's using their WiFi connection to access porn.

22 June 2007

Portugese Marijuana Peddler

Inspired by a Facebook comment from Afe.

The Indefinite Article

Suggested by Mr. Phin

The Unadulterated Potato

Suggested by Mr. Phin

09 June 2007

27 May 2007

Stupid Hamster

Inspired by a conversation with Chris' friend, who suggested that a hamster unable to identify the choking hazard inherent to Legos probably doesn't deserve to live.

25 April 2007


Inspired by office supplies

22 March 2007

The Sad and Black Reality

Probably a better name for an album

15 March 2007

Super Wasted

Inspired by my own comment on my English blog.

12 March 2007

Chwarter i Nawr

Suggested by one of my professors, who said it would make a good name for an album. Translated from Welsh it means "Quarter to Now." It sounds like it would be a Van Morrison follow-up album to "Inarticulate Speech of the Heart."

My Testicles Are Razor Blades

Probably a better name for an album, actually.

07 March 2007

The Soul Kill Pills

Inspired by my nickname for the anti-depressants I'm on.

14 February 2007

Los Amigos Falsos

See below.

The False Friends

Inadvertently suggested by my Spanish translation professor.

12 February 2007

Sentient Crow

Suggested by Neil


Inspired by a comment someone made in my Spanish class.

(ASBO stands for Anti-Social Behaviour Order)

23 January 2007

High-End Holga

Suggested by Beth

No. 1 Jones

21 January 2007

1,000 Sylvias

Inspired by Bryan

16 January 2007

Titties Full o' Hate

Inspired by Crystal

11 January 2007

The Biting Monkeys

Inspired by this blog post.

12 November 2006

Cystitis Overturn

Suggested by Rhys, who got the idea from a failure by Welsh government types to understand Welsh.

Corfu Death Children

Suggested by Jen, who got the idea from this BBC story.

08 November 2006

Enormous Gay Mexican

From a conversation I had with Curly.

07 November 2006

Love Box

As a result of this post

25 October 2006

Monkey Hater

19 October 2006

Morbid Traitorous Bastards

Suggested by my dad.

Yankee Bullets

06 October 2006

Los Gatos CumpleaƱos

Twats Like Us

Suggested by Rhys

27 September 2006

02 September 2006

Sex With Buildings

Inspired by this post

Bang the Hammer, Logan

Actually a better name for an album...

01 September 2006

The Faultless Pajamas

Suggested by Sara

13 August 2006

09 August 2006

Fizzy Piss

07 July 2006


Inspired by Donal.

Corn Bag

22 June 2006

The Suck Kings

Inspired by the U.S. soccer team's performance (or lack thereof) in the 2006 World Cup.

17 June 2006

Love Nostril

Suggested by Crystal

16 June 2006

Red Mustard

Suggested by Goo

15 June 2006

Pirate Emoticon

01 June 2006

Spanish Sex Charges

Nathan's Evil Toe

Based on my nephew's baptism experience.

23 May 2006

Chinese Teeth

15 May 2006

08 May 2006

04 May 2006

Power Rangers Rendezvous

Inspired by Sarah's first sexual experience.

Honky Guilt

Stolen from a post by Omega.

02 May 2006

Diaper Contraband

Inspired by this story.

19 April 2006

Metaphor Cage Match

MMR Hat Trick

18 April 2006

14 April 2006

Smuggled Puppies

11 April 2006

Monkeys With Rakes

Suggested by Jen.

10 April 2006

The Electric Belly

Suggested by Lucky, who thinks the band would play "Buddha-metal."

The Man Who Invented China

Bacon Foot

04 April 2006

The Death Freezers

Inspired by Huw's field trip

Spider-Infested Head Wound

Suggested by Rachel on MooCow's blog and brought to my attention by Heather.

30 March 2006

10% Juice

28 March 2006

Atomic Nuts

10 March 2006

08 March 2006

My Ginger Beard

06 March 2006

Broken By Tuesday

28 February 2006

Jenny Appreciation Society

Inspired by Bloomington, Minnesota's newest social club.

24 February 2006

Death Panda

Inspired by 2008 Olympic mascot Jingjing

Cheeky Football

Inspired by Pille the World Cup 2006 mascot.

23 February 2006

Jurassic Beaver

Inspired by this story.

17 February 2006

Sunny Death Squad

A bastardization of Sarah's suggested band name of Sunni Death Squad.

16 February 2006

8 Ounces Of Me

Inspired by the fact that it is possible to make jewelry using 8 ounces of cremated remains.

15 February 2006

Looking At Her Eleanor

Inspired by a post from Heather

Hotel Lotion

The Mighty Yak

George W. Pussy

Suggested by Crystal

14 February 2006

Throwing Chinese Women

Inspired by the way in which Chinese figure skater Zhang Hao reared back and tossed Zhang Dan across the ice like a sack of potatoes in their 2006 silver-medal performance.

13 February 2006

Duct Tape Erection

Suggested by Crystal

10 February 2006

God's McDonalds

09 February 2006

Jesus Pancake

06 February 2006

02 February 2006

Fatty Groundhog

01 February 2006

Fiddy Ceiniog

A Welshified version of the gangsta way to say 50 Cent.

31 January 2006

Drowning Nebraska

Inspired by the plight of Ashland, Neb.

Netherlands Salamander Invasion

Inspired by Astrid's recent dinner conversation.

28 January 2006

Funk Audit

Suggested by Goo.

23 January 2006

20 January 2006

Sex Pest

19 January 2006

The Slut Horses

Inspired by this news story.

17 January 2006

Welsh Heat

Suggested by jay are and inspired by my nickname for Huw.

Butt-Bandit Cowboys

Inspired by my co-worker's politically incorrect description of "Brokeback Mountain."

16 January 2006

The Quartormemes

Inspired by the French habit of quickly bringing in a 14th guest if a dinner party has 13 guests.

Rage Hangover

13 January 2006

Refractory Nozzlemen

Suggested by Jege.

Threaded Brass Nipples

Suggested by Jege.

12 January 2006

Hajj Stampede

10 January 2006

09 January 2006

The Best Melissa

The Death Magnets

05 January 2006

Perforated Colon

Suggested by Afe.

04 January 2006

Feral Puppies

Suggested by Heather.

Shit Nog

Inspired by this recipe.

03 January 2006

Imaginary Belgium

Inspired by the question of whether Belgium exists.

I Believe In Belgium

30 December 2005

Death Bucket

God Bless You, Mel Tillis

Perhaps a better name for a band's album

Cheesy Ham Vishnu

Variation on a theme.

Cheesy Ham Wreath

Inspired by this awful recipe.

29 December 2005


Inspired by this news story.

The Tracksuit Bottoms

22 December 2005

21 December 2005

Failed Blog Ambition

Inspired by the countless blogs that have only one post.

20 December 2005

19 December 2005

Nipple Reconstruction

Inspired by use of the phrase in a health story about using a fat from a woman's ass to give her bigger breasts.

Problems With Verbs

18 December 2005

Zippy-Zappy Happy

Inspired by my grandfather.

A Squirrel Named Che

Suggested by Kari.

Meat and Candy Necklaces

Inspired by my 4-year-old nephew.

09 December 2005

Blue Monkeys

Suggested by jay are and inspired by this blog post.

08 December 2005

Sticky Buttons

Buckwheat Pancake

Mwnci Bach Drwg

Welsh for "Naughty Little Monkey," it is inspired by a song that is currently one of my favorites.

07 December 2005

Frivolous Gymsuit

Suggested by Heather, who was inspired by this blog post.

Yellow Afro Love Munch

Suggested by Crystal

El Presidente de NASCAR

Inspired by a Domino's Pizza ad starring Dale Earnhardt Jr.

The Provo Incident

Inspired by the time I was walking in Provo, Utah, and a guy leaned out the window of a passing car and screamed "Hey man, fuck you!"

Strangely, he did not appear to be screaming at me. I think he was directing his anger toward Provo in general.

Booze Sippy Cup

Civil War Surgery

The Italian Suppositories

Color-Coded Fear